God told me to hold out for Joshua Jackson

A quick epilogue following “R is off the picking team,” and a word of advice. You know when you have those dates that are less than ideal, but you start to think, “well, maybe he could grow on me,” remember – you do not want a fungus. God explained this to me with great visual cues.

After my time learning that R’s men were not for me, I was wandering around HEB, when I received a text from R saying that the man in question had thought I was really cool. So then I started to wonder if I had perhaps been a bit too hasty. Maybe he didn’t look so old; maybe his complete lack of conversational skills were due to shyness or intimidation; maybe he could grow on me.

So, as these thoughts are floating through my mind, I head back home to finish watching an episode of Fringe, which I had recently discovered on Amazon Prime. Now, let me just say this – I have had a massive crush on Joshua Jackson since the days of Mighty Ducks. I didn’t even realize that he was the same actor when I fell for Pacey on Dawson’s Creek (I always knew Pacey and Joey were meant for each other). I worshiped at his shrine in The Skulls. But, for some reason, I had completely failed to jump onboard the Fringe bandwagon. Well, once I realized that I could stream that show for free, I was in like Flint.

I sat down on my couch and resumed my previous place in the episode. About three minutes into the viewing, there was this great shot of Joshua doing that side-smile, looking totally mischievous and super-cute, all at once, and I got butterflies. I am fully aware that this is a character on a show, that this man has no clue who I am, nor would he ever want to, and, again, that I am only in love with the persona that he plays on television and in movies. But still – my heart skips a beat whenever he gets that look on his face.

And right then, my hesitations and rehashings of the earlier date were released, and I received this message with full clarity. I needed to hold out for someone who could make me feel that way when he looked at me (a real someone). I needed to not settle for someone, or make do with someone, who I was not at all attracted to. I needed to recognize my potential and not wait for someone to grow on me.

In other words, I needed to hold out for my proverbial Joshua Jackson.

– Finch

R is off the picking team

I think everyone has that friend or acquaintance who always has the best boyfriend. He’s super cute, incredibly nice, smart, etc., and they make the best couple ever. And every boyfriend that your friend has is better then the last one. So when that friend sends you a text telling you that she really wants you to meet this guy, that he’s funny, tall, cute, employed, you think, “Great!! Some of her awesome mojo is at work here, and she is going to set me up with someone as great as her guy.” Not so much.

So R asked me what I was doing on a Saturday night last August. She says that she really wants to me meet this guy who is friends with her boyfriend. He has every great quality imaginable. Then she adds, “I’m not saying I want you two to get married and have babies – I just want you to meet him.” Okay, I’m game. We set up plans for a double date/meet and greet the next day (Sunday) to watch some pre-season football.

I showed up in my cute summer go-to outfit (rolled up jeans, black tank top, black flip-flops, hair down and flowing), ready for game time.  Now, at this point in time, I was 29. So you can imagine my surprise when R walks in with her boyfriend (who could model for GQ) and a guy who looks like he’s 55, has a pretty dour expression, and gives off no personality what. so. ever.

Okay, I’m trying to show the Universe that I am making an effort. So we all sit down, we order some beers, we start chatting. Soon I feel like I’m on a game and/or dating show, with the way that R and her guy are hawing me to this person. “Finch is a really great cook.” “Oh yeah, the food at your party was so amazing.” “And Finch LOVES the West Wing. You really like the West Wing too, right?” “And aren’t you from Chicago? Finch can’t get enough of Chicago.” This continues with hardly more than an intelligent grunt from the (admittedly) tall gentleman next to me.

Finally, the game ends, and I am about to make my great escape, when – girl bathroom break. Okay, now’s the time for the talk. “What do you think about him? Isn’t he great?” Um, no. He has hardly looked at me the entire 3 1/2 hours that we have been here, he still looks like he is 55, his real job is not a real job, and while my expectations were a little high, I feel ridiculously let down. R did not at all understand my lack of enthusiasm, and that’s when I had to make the painful decision – R was off the picking team. Just because someone can find gold every single time they pan for it, this does not mean that they will mine gold for you. However this can be a bonus – when you meet someone, if this friend gushes about him, you know it’s not the soundest investment. Being off the picking team will only clear space for someone who understands what you want and need. Which is someone who does not look like they could be your father.

– Finch

At least I got a sandwich out of it

I make it a policy to not date people I work with. First of all, as is obvious since I am not married, those relationships never last forever. Additionally, you’re just setting yourself up to be office gossip-fodder, and that is never good for either the individual or the couple. Finally, when it does end, no matter how amicably, you have to look at that person every single day. You have to hear about their new girlfriend, or their dating adventures. You have to endure the snickers and side-long glances from your peers. So, no – I just choose to avoid this. So when a male co-worker who was not really a friend asked me to go to lunch, I was a little hesitant, but I really wanted to branch out of my regular work social circle. I accepted.

I was waiting downstairs, chatting with our receptionist, and she asked me who I was going to lunch with. When I told her, she gave me an incredibly cold look, and said “But he’s married.” Now, I was surprised by this news, but as I was not wanting to sleep with or date this person, I didn’t really see how that mattered. “Okay, well, we’re just grabbing food, so I think we’ll be alright.” She rolled her eyes and then co-worker stepped off the elevator, and we were on our way.

I immediately recognized my mistake. “You look so great today. I love the way your ass looks in those pants.” Excuse me? Did you really just say that? “Um, thanks, I guess.” “And you’ve obviously lost weight. You’re looking really good.” We arrived at the place and ordered our sandwiches. He was too quick with his card, and he paid for mine as well, so now I felt really awkward. We sat down, and here’s where it got bad.

“So, yeah, you know, I’m a mover and a shaker. I just got back from L.A. I go there a lot. I have a lot of contacts out there, and people are always reaching out to me for advice. Like, you’ve heard of Jerry Bruckheimer? Yeah, he’s always asking me what I think about some movie or other. I’m totally on his speed dial.”

#1 – This guy works in our customer service division, making about $26,000/year. Really, you have so much money that you can fly to L.A. constantly?

#2 – Jerry Bruckheimer?? Really?? The guy who probably has Tom Cruise on his speed dial also has you on his speed dial? I wonder whether you’re ranked higher than Cruise or not.

#3 – I could literally not get a word in edgewise. This guy was shoveling the food into his mouth at an alarming rate and yet talking with surprising enunciation.

Finally… “So how long have you been married?” “Who told you I was married?” “So-and-so downstairs.” “Some people really need to keep their mouth shut.” “So you’re not married?” “I don’t really think that’s a worthwhile topic of conversation.” Translation – yes, I’m married, but I’m trying to get into your pants by acting like a complete and total jackass, which I think you find attractive.

After that, it didn’t really seem like there was anything left to say, so we walked back to work, and I spent the next two weeks dodging his calls and emails.

Oh well. At least I got a sandwich out of it.

– Finch