R is off the picking team

I think everyone has that friend or acquaintance who always has the best boyfriend. He’s super cute, incredibly nice, smart, etc., and they make the best couple ever. And every boyfriend that your friend has is better then the last one. So when that friend sends you a text telling you that she really wants you to meet this guy, that he’s funny, tall, cute, employed, you think, “Great!! Some of her awesome mojo is at work here, and she is going to set me up with someone as great as her guy.” Not so much.

So R asked me what I was doing on a Saturday night last August. She says that she really wants to me meet this guy who is friends with her boyfriend. He has every great quality imaginable. Then she adds, “I’m not saying I want you two to get married and have babies – I just want you to meet him.” Okay, I’m game. We set up plans for a double date/meet and greet the next day (Sunday) to watch some pre-season football.

I showed up in my cute summer go-to outfit (rolled up jeans, black tank top, black flip-flops, hair down and flowing), ready for game time.  Now, at this point in time, I was 29. So you can imagine my surprise when R walks in with her boyfriend (who could model for GQ) and a guy who looks like he’s 55, has a pretty dour expression, and gives off no personality what. so. ever.

Okay, I’m trying to show the Universe that I am making an effort. So we all sit down, we order some beers, we start chatting. Soon I feel like I’m on a game and/or dating show, with the way that R and her guy are hawing me to this person. “Finch is a really great cook.” “Oh yeah, the food at your party was so amazing.” “And Finch LOVES the West Wing. You really like the West Wing too, right?” “And aren’t you from Chicago? Finch can’t get enough of Chicago.” This continues with hardly more than an intelligent grunt from the (admittedly) tall gentleman next to me.

Finally, the game ends, and I am about to make my great escape, when – girl bathroom break. Okay, now’s the time for the talk. “What do you think about him? Isn’t he great?” Um, no. He has hardly looked at me the entire 3 1/2 hours that we have been here, he still looks like he is 55, his real job is not a real job, and while my expectations were a little high, I feel ridiculously let down. R did not at all understand my lack of enthusiasm, and that’s when I had to make the painful decision – R was off the picking team. Just because someone can find gold every single time they pan for it, this does not mean that they will mine gold for you. However this can be a bonus – when you meet someone, if this friend gushes about him, you know it’s not the soundest investment. Being off the picking team will only clear space for someone who understands what you want and need. Which is someone who does not look like they could be your father.

– Finch