Quick Thought: A Fear of Change

I was just watching a Mr. Kate video¬†where Kate was getting a blow-out, and her hair looked so good. Her hair is a just slightly lighter than mine, and slightly shorter. The major difference is that she does not have bangs, and I do. So as I’m checking out her video, I kept thinking that I should grow my bangs out again. It’s been a few years since I’ve been without bangs. Plus, they’re already long enough that I can pin them aside, so it won’t be a super long process.

Immediately though I could hear my mom saying, “But I like your bangs!” And then I told my friend Jessica, and she said the same thing. And then I started to wonder if I would feel as cute without bangs, and whether my face would look too big or my forehead would be too shiny, and it was all down the rabbit hole from there.

I’ve always been jealous of the women who cut and dye and style their hair with wild abandon. I’ve been thinking about chopping my hair into a long bob (a “lob” for those of you in the know), but when I brought it up to my mom and her friend recently, they both shot down the idea. “You have mermaid hair!” Okay, yeah, but even a mermaid has to get tired of brushing out this mane all of the time.

The reason I don’t just take the plunge is overwhelming fear. For me, my hair is one of my signature features. A lot of my self-worth is bound up in my hair’s appearance. So what if I chop it all off, and then I hate it, and I feel that I look like a wookie?? Yes, my hair will grow back, but that doesn’t happen overnight! Even dying my hair – I was a redhead from 13 to 30, and then I bleached my hair, and I’ve been a dirty blonde ever since. Every now and then I think it might be nice to see how my hair would look in a rich chocolate brown. But if I hate it, and I try to bleach it back, I won’t immediately be able to achieve my current color, and I could really damage my hair.

This is supposed to be my year of fearing less. And in a lot of ways, it has been. I’ve added temporary pink, purple, and turquoise color to my hair throughout the year so far, and I like it. That’s a huge deal for me; I never played with crazy colors before. But a more permanent change just feels really scary. And I don’t know how to have less fear about that.

– Finch

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Quick Thought: Chinese Food as a Lesson

I live across the street from a Chinese restaurant, so I am constantly smelling the tempting aromas. I keep thinking, “Hmm, maybe beef and broccoli tonight?” But then I usually just end up eating chips and salsa and calling it a day.

Here’s the problem – just a couple of weeks after I first moved into my condo, I went over to grab some takeout. Went home, ate my food, and then, a few hours later, experienced the most horrendous stomach pains ever. Not nausea or anything, but swollen belly and curling up in a fetal position pain. So I swore off the Chinese restaurant.

And then a year or so went by, and I thought, “Maybe it was just that one time. I’ll try something different.” But no, exact same thing happened. It happened again last night.

I say all of this to say, this is like going back to exes. You let some time pass, you think maybe it’ll be better this time, maybe you’ll try things a bit differently, take a fresh path… No. You’re still going to end up curled into a ball on your bed, cursing your lack of self-control. Just save yourself the pain and misery.

– Finch

Quick Thought: Removing Toxicity

(That’s a word, right?) In my “plan” to figure out what my “plan” is, I’ve found myself compelled to clean up my life. Not that my life was messy, but I have just had this overwhelming urge to get rid of excess, unused items, or things I don’t really care about. And that urge has turned towards to getting rid of people who don’t fit in my life anymore either.

I had this friend who is *that* girl – the total life of the party, but the saddest person ever once she’s alone. She’s bubbly and loud and just too much for me. Those things by themselves would never be a reason for me to remove someone from my life. However, I was recently ending a friendship with a co-worker who, I swear, stated that he was a better friend to me than anyone else because he was the only person who would give me shit about my life’s choices. First of all – what?!?!?¬† Second of all – my life’s choices don’t need questioning, and if they did, that’s what I have parents and best friends for. Anyway, in thinking about why I didn’t want to be friends with the co-worker anymore, I kept going back to the above-mentioned girl. The reasons why I didn’t want to be friends with the co-worker were all characteristics shared with this girl. Constant negativity, questioning all of my choices (even how I hung my pictures), and just being an energy vampire.

There are some positive things about both of these people. But here’s my test for knowing if someone should be in your life or not – do you breathe a sigh of relief when you get out of their presence? If yes, they need to go. It doesn’t matter how much fun you have with them, or whether they have good insights into your issues. If you feel relief to be away from their energy, their energy is not vibing with you.

That’s a good way to look at removing items from your life too. If you have something, maybe an heirloom or a gift from an old friend, but every time you think about removing it all you feel is guilt? That’s an item that needs to go. Yes, I realize that we’re getting into Marie Kondo territory here, but the method works because it’s true. If something doesn’t bring you joy when you look at it or hold it, why would you want that around you? Think of how you feel when looking at the person (or pet) that you love most in the world. That feeling of overwhelming love, where you’re almost amazed that you can even love someone that much. Don’t you want to feel that sort of amazement and awe all the time? Remove bad stuff!

Anyway, I say all of this to say, until I figure out exactly what I’m supposed to be doing with my life, I’m going to work on removing the clutter and distractions that keep pulling me off course. And if those distractions are people, so be it.

– Finch

Quick thought: OKcupid is the Forever21 of dating

It is!! Picture it – Forever 21 (which I have loved since I was 16) is chock-full of cheap pieces, in a variety of colors and styles. Like that shirt, but wish that it came in blue? No problem, it’s over there. Think that skirt would be cuter with an exposed zipper? Yeah, that’s over in that section at the front of the store. Inevitably you end up with an overflowing pile of clothes to take back into the dressing room with you, wondering how on earth you are going to afford everything, only to discover that not one thing looks good on you. It’s either too big, too small, too sheer, too short, too much! And you leave the store wondering how you could have spent 90 minutes in there with absolutely nothing to show for it. But you know what? A few months later, that same store will lure you in with a promise of new styles, only for you to discover it’s the same old crap with new zippers.

They might as well rename OKcupid “Cupid21.” It leaves you with exactly the same emptiness.

– Finch

Quick Thought: Definition of Insanity

Doing the same thing over and over again, and expecting different results. Like calling Ex. Sure, the last couple of times that we talked we had some nice conversations. But the last three times I’ve called, he has not returned my calls, texted me to say “Hey, I’m busy right now. I’ll hit you up later,” or even emailed to tell me to F-off. So why do I keep calling? Loneliness, euphoric recall, utter insanity? I think any if those will work for me excuse.

Don’t do stupid things. It’s not just a clever name – they really are stupid.

– Finch

Quick thought: Don’t Google People

When it’s late at night, you’ve had a long, lazy weekend, and you’re feeling a little lonely, don’t google your exes. You will see things you don’t want to see – like wedding dates. And even though you’ve moved on, there will still be that selfish part of you that wants everyone else to put their life on hold until you are fabulously happy, so that their happiness will just be icing on the cake.

So, take it from me – Google is not your friend. It will not tell you things you want to hear. If it tells me next that Joshua Jackson is engaged to Diane Kruger, I’m bidding the Internet goodbye. Maybe.

– Finch