Allergic to cold-weather dating

Let me just be blunt – I HATE cold weather! I don’t care if it’s cold and rainy, cold and clear, cold and windy; the operative word in all of those descriptors is “cold” and that word and I do not get along. This is one of the (many) reasons I live in Austin. We think 65 degrees is cold. So, wouldn’t you know it, a massive Arctic front pushed through yesterday, the second one in as many weeks.

I was trudging through the wind to my car last night, thinking how nice it would be to go home, and snuggle up under the covers with someone and fall asleep wrapped in some nice, warm arms, when it suddenly dawned on me – I have never dated anyone (successfully) through the winter. I’ve been married during the winter, but we all know how that turned out, and I can tell you, there was a definite “chill” in our relationship during those months, and it was all me. I just do not find anything romantic in cold weather. My hands and feet get freezing cold no matter what, so snuggling isn’t all that it’s cracked up to be. My nose gets red and runny from the temperature and wind, so I look like I have a perpetual cold – totally sexy, right? I’m much more interested in dressing for warmth, and I hate running outside, so my body is not in the greatest shape during these months. Also, I can never think of anything fun to do when the weather is this horrid – go for a walk? No. Go to a museum? That would mean walking to and from my car (so really, go anywhere is out). Stay inside by the fire? Fires make messes and are dangerous. I do like to cook when it’s cold out, but, again, that necessitates going to the store for ingredients and that means going outside.

But, back to my relationships… Tripp and I started slowing down right around mid-October. Ex and I would always slow down for winter and pick up again when it warmed up. Most of the rest of my relationships have begun in the spring or summer, and were over well before the first frost. Even Jay – I joked with him that I liked him because he kept his AC so low in the summer, but that once it got cold outside, I wouldn’t need him anymore. One week before the first Arctic front, he was kicked to the curb. And, interestingly enough, the holidays don’t play into these dating trends. I’m a great gift-giver and I’m pretty good with receiving gifts as well, so I’ve never had an issue there. I don’t stress over meeting parents or introducing guys to my parental units. It’s SOLELY AND COMPLETELY the temperature!

Ugh. I’ve never looked forward to spring more.

– Finch

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Quote-athon

In the middle of my Dan-induced happy phase, I had a date, which had already been scheduled, and which I definitely did not want to bail on. This guy is 6’4″, looks very similar to Tripp, and seemed to have the same sense of humor (are you already sensing where I’m going with this?)

We’re going to call him Dante, if, for no other reason, than he was as good as me at quoting every single Kevin Smith movie (well, the good ones, anyway). Dante showed up at the bar where we were meeting, and there was an instantaneous lack of sexual chemistry. Not that I was disgusted by this guy, not at all. But there was no desire whatsoever to kiss him or do anything more. I didn’t even care if I was attractive to him, which I think made for even more fun on both of our parts.

We started drinking – we’re both exploring the world of beer right now, so we had fun exchanging notes, trying each others’ choices, and discussing pros and cons of beer vs. liquor. I actually don’t remember how we got onto the subject, but at one point, he brought up Mallrats, and from that point, it was on.

I truly think we spent the next two hours speaking in almost nothing but movie quotes. We relayed how different movies had affected our lives (Chasing Amy very much formed a large part of high school for me), we discussed future Kevin Smith projects, and then… we branched out to Star Wars.

Now, from a conversational point of view, I was having one of the best dates of my life. There was not a single awkward pause, there was instant understanding on anything we said, there was definite respect on both of our parts for the other’s knowledge and intelligence. But still… no sexual chemistry.

R asked me back in September why I kept talking to Tripp after everything which had happened between us, and I responded that when we weren’t screwing everything up by bring sex or love into the equation, he was one of my dearest friends. Tripp has been there for me in some of the darkest times in my life, and he has been there without judgement. When I missed Tripp, I didn’t miss the time we had spent dating – that was ten + years ago, and I had been 20 then. I’ve grown in my desires and my expectations since then. What I missed was our friendship, the instant understanding, the perfect meeting of minds. And it seemed that I had found that in Dante.

We both had friends coming into town for the 4th, so we decided to meet up again the next week. Here’s the thing – I don’t know how to have the conversation that I want him to be my friend, and only my friend. I mean, we met on a dating website. If we had just met in person, then I think it would have been easier to segue into that. Either way, the next guy who goes on a first date with me has some very large shoes to fill!

– Finch

Joy cometh in the morning

Because that’s when you wake up and realize that the goof you were Googling last night likes to dress up as Captain Spaulding for Halloween, and you like to dress up as Holly Golightly. That he dumped the woman he’s marrying twice to date you. That you could truly not have more disparaging views on politics (although he does have a good stance on a woman’s right to choose). And that the time you spent with him was NOT the happiest time of your life. So maybe Google isn’t the enemy – it’s the swift kick in the ass that you need to laugh it off and thank your lucky stars for dodging that bullet.

– Finch

Quick thought: Don’t Google People

When it’s late at night, you’ve had a long, lazy weekend, and you’re feeling a little lonely, don’t google your exes. You will see things you don’t want to see – like wedding dates. And even though you’ve moved on, there will still be that selfish part of you that wants everyone else to put their life on hold until you are fabulously happy, so that their happiness will just be icing on the cake.

So, take it from me – Google is not your friend. It will not tell you things you want to hear. If it tells me next that Joshua Jackson is engaged to Diane Kruger, I’m bidding the Internet goodbye. Maybe.

– Finch