Things said at the SXSW Volunteer Party this weekend

“Three months is too soon to mold your boyfriend’s penis out of clay.”

“He’s 38 and he doesn’t own a car? Is he a virgin too? Because I saw that movie.”

“That’s her ass? I thought those were shorts!”

“I would give you my extra ticket too, but you don’t need four drinks right before you drive.”

“I was thinking of digging my eye out with a sharp stick so as to have something to do.”

“Will you go shake your booty in his face so he’ll play more Tupac?”

“I don’t even have to go to the bathroom, but I have to get out of here for a little while.”

“I just feel that by the time you’re in your 30’s, you should want to do more than be a waiter.”

“It’s from a movie!” “Everything you say is from a movie. You are from a movie!”

“He’s wearing the same shirt as me.” “Good, go talk to him, because I think his friend is cute.”

“I’m beating you?!? That never happens!!” (Special shout-out to J)

“Okay, so you’re going to kind of go to your left, but not really, and then go straight, but veer to the left. Then turn to your right.”

“The rule is, you only introduce your ex to your current person if the current person is a step up from your ex. He clearly missed that memo, both on the ‘step up’ part and the ‘don’t introduce me to your ex’ part.”

“You were right.” “I know. About what?” “Everything.” “Oh, yeah, I know.”

“I don’t care, it’s free! You’re supposed to take things if they’re free!”

– Finch