I’m not really into the whole materialism thing

I had a date this past Sunday, and there was just no connection whatsoever. And y’all know my policy – as long as the guy didn’t do anything out of line, I’m not going to blast a guy for just appreciating different things/ideals from me. However, he did make several comments that I feel need to be addressed to the dating world at large. I realize that online dating directly leads to a lot of snap judgments – “Oh, not that cute, I’m passing,” “Doesn’t like dogs, can’t have that,” “Likes Miley Cyrus, oh hell no!” However, I think that there are some snap judgments which need to be evaluated a bit further before basing an opinion on them.

Sunday’s guy (I’m not even giving him a nickname) made several comments about driving an older car, thrift store shopping, and the like. Then, at one point, he literally said, “I’m not really into the whole materialism thing.” Okay, first off, you’re not The Dude (bonus points if you’re catching my reference). Second off, I was not at the date dripping in diamonds or Louis Vuitton. I was dressed perfectly normally – jeans, sweater, leather jacket. Finally, I was not spouting off about having bought a new car last year or a buying my condo. So I wasn’t really sure where he was getting this whole “materialism” vibe from, or what he was trying to tell me.

But here’s the thing – who cares if I am materialistic?? I make good money, and if I choose to spend a portion of that money buying myself diamond earrings rather than investing in microloans, so be it. I will say, this guy had a good job, so maybe he had been taken to town by several gals looking for a sugar daddy. However, I am not one of those women. No one else pays my bills – if I feel like shopping every week at Whole Foods, I’m not going to ask for help with the grocery bill, and if I decide to hit the Outlet Malls every weekend, you won’t find my credit card statements on your doorstep. So, even though there really wasn’t a connection to be ruined, because this guy had made some sort of snap judgment about me, he really lessened any chance he might have had.

I’m perfectly fine with someone expressing their values on a date; that’s kind of what we’re there for. However, when you repeat the same sentiment in several different ways in a one hour time frame, I’m going to assume that you’re trying to send a message. I would just ask that you ensure that your message is properly suited to the recipient.

– Finch

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I had noticed that her voice was a little husky…

This is a story from 3M. 3M is My Music Man (and also his name starts with M). He lives upstairs, and is a thoroughly decent and great guy. We share dating stories with each other, laugh over the ridiculousness that is other people, and generally commiserate each others’ experiences.

A couple of weeks ago, 3M had stopped by my apartment to check in and thank me for inviting him to my Spring Fling. We were chatting, and he asked if I had had any experience with OKcupid. I told him that I had, that it was bad, and that after my last date from there (Mmm mmm bad) ended so horribly, I had immediately deleted my account. 3M told me that he had just gotten on there, had set up his profile, and was already talking to a couple of interesting women (interesting, as in they had potential, not interesting as in, they’re weird). We talked about how funny some peoples’ pictures were, how strange it was that people would contact you and then not respond when you wrote them back, and just the absolute silliness of dating in this day and age. 3M let me know that he did have a date that upcoming Saturday with a woman down in Wimberley who seemed exciting. I was over the moon for him, wished him luck, and asked him to let me know how it went.

I doubt that 3M would be upset with me if I told you that I laughed through his entire story. 3M went down to Wimberley (a lovely little town, if you’ve never been), found the meet-up location, and looked for his date. As he searched the faces, he was a little surprised when he realized that the woman he was meeting… wasn’t a woman. Or at least, had not always been a woman. As he sat down to join her for a drink, she told him that she was a post-op transsexual. As in, she used to be a man, and no longer was. As 3M is telling me this, he commented that even if she hadn’t told him, he would have been able to tell. “Her hands were pretty masculine, and I had noticed on the phone that her voice was a little husky.” I could not stop laughing. I asked him if she had identified herself as a woman or as a transsexual on OKcupid (I don’t remember, but I think there was a way to let the world know exactly what your sexual identity was). He said that, no, she had said that she was a woman. But this wasn’t even the worst part.

The woman, withing a half hour of 3M sitting down, invited him back to her place to “get into bed,” but warned 3M that her lady parts were a little tight, since they were, after all, artificial. 3M informed her that he would not be going there, to her house, bedroom, or lady parts. That pretty much wrapped up the date.

3M let me know that he had had another date where the woman (and it was actually a woman) showed up with a colostomy bag, full of drainage, which was placed on the table. As I almost snorted because I was laughing so hard, I asked if this woman had let him know before hand that she would be showing up with this… extra hanging around. No, 3M replied, he was just as surprised with her as with the Wimberley woman.

Don’t get me wrong, I don’t think that we have to disclose every single thing about ourselves within the first 30 minutes of meeting someone, nor do we have to put our business out for the entire world to see. But maybe, just maybe, letting someone know that you were once a man and are now a woman (or vice versa) before the first date, is not completely out of line. Unless, of course, you have a husky voice that gives you away!

– Finch