I’m sort of the opposite of a serial-monogamist

Another Sunday, another OKcupid date. This one didn’t leave me wanting to dig my eyes out with a sharp stick, although I did go home and pass out for two hours. Let me explain…

We met up at two, but the bar he had picked was closed. We convened at another bar, got some drinks, and proceeded to start talking. We actually had a lot of fun. So much fun, in fact, that I had four beers on an empty stomach (I wanted to look extra thin for the date – no judging!!), all in the course of about two and a half hours. I literally lost track of the time. When I got back to my car and saw that it was 5 (and I had previously told this guy that I had other plans at 6), I was shocked. I had not thought that we had hung out that long. So yes, I stopped at Maudie’s, got some insanely good breakfast tacos, and then went home and passed out until about 8. I’m too old for this!

The date was certainly fun, and even if I never hear from him again, he gave me a great piece of information. We were talking about our past OKC experiences, and he said, “I’m sort of the opposite of a serial-monogamist. You know, so many of my friends can’t go five minutes without dating someone, but I’ve only had one serious relationship in my adult life. The rest of the time, I date a little here and there, but mostly, I’m happier when I’m single.” PEOPLE! This is literally me!!! I’ve only had one serious relationship in my adult life (okay, or maybe two – Tripp and Ex). I will date for a couple of months here and there and then be single for a year or more. I stated all of this to him, and told him, “I thought I was the only one.” He replied that nope, there were plenty of us out there.

And here’s why that is so important to me. I live under a constant fear that I will never be with anyone ever again, that I will never fall in love again, and that there is something seriously wrong with me because I don’t constantly have a boyfriend. However, this guy gave me this nugget of truth that I am not terminally unique, and that it is perfectly normal to find more happiness and contentment in your own company rather than in a relationship. Don’t get me wrong, I love being unique and one of a kind, but it truly sways my fears to know that there are other people out there like me in this regard.

As for the guy himself – I don’t know. That’s not true – I do know, but it’s a scary feeling. He was cute, incredibly smart, had similar interests, and was really great. But I just can’t picture anything with him. Okay, yes, I can picture some drunken sex with him, but that’s not exactly the basis of a relationship. I think there’s someone out there who is a better fit, and it will be difficult to find him if I spend my time with someone I’m not crazy about (and sure, feelings could grow, but there are other factors there that I don’t want to get into of why I won’t be pursuing this). So, my Sunday Date, thank you for a lovely time, and showing me that four beers is way past my limit when I haven’t eaten anything, but most especially for showing me that I am not damaged and that there is hope for me yet.

– Finch

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A Tale of Two Lukes: Part 2

I have this theory that people with the same name share the same personality characteristics. Every Nathan/Nathaniel I have ever met has been absolutely brilliant, but a stoner. Every Kristen (no matter how they spelled it) has been bubbly, flighty, and has settled constantly for less than they deserve. All of my Nicoles are the same, as are all of my Mikes. I don’t know what it is – but upon knowing someone’s name, I can usually tell you at least a basic sketch about their personality and/or attitude towards life.

It appears that Lukes will fall into this category. At first, I thought that they might be an anomaly. I had only met one other Luke before my greenbelt-date one, and that guy was back in high school. I didn’t think that any similarities between the two should count for very much. But when I went on a date with a different Luke about two weeks after the greenbelt guy, I realized that my theory had struck gold again.

I was fixed up with this Luke by a friend. She had shown me a picture, and I was instantly intrigued. The picture was of him standing on the pier in San Fransisco Bay, with the Golden Gate Bridge at his back. The wind was tousling his hair, he had on a Hanes white t-shirt and a leather jacket, and he was wearing Ray-Bans. Very Top Gun Tom Cruise. Not usually my type, but I’ve been trying to play against type since my type hadn’t been working out too well for me.

We met up at Gibson’s, this local bar that I had not visited before, but which seemed very fun. When I came up to the table, I was immediately struck by one thing – his hair was at least three inches tall. It was, in all truth, a pompadour. I didn’t realize that people really wore them outside of theme nights at clubs. But here was one such hairstyle, alive and in person, on my date. Okay, a little less Tom Cruise, a little more rockabilly.

We start talking. He was very sweet, funny, got my jokes (always a good thing), but… he was 36, and a bassist in a band. As in, that was all he did. He had no ambitions to be anything more than that, and he was just counting down the days until his band “hit it big.” Let me say one thing – I have nothing against musicians, despite the fact that I divorced one. I have lived in Austin my whole life, I have been surrounded by people in the music business forever, and I don’t think that you can necessarily lump them all into the same group. Being a musician, an artist, is a wonderful thing, and I would never knock someone for their craft, especially if they took it seriously and worked it just like a 9-5 job.

As the night wore on, here was my issue. That at 36, he was still very much in the “I’m just looking to have a good time, I’m not trying to be tied down, I’m not looking for commitment.” Forgive me if I’m a bit lost, but is this something which is supposed to be said on a first date? If you’re posting on ad on some site, and you want people to know that you’re just looking to get laid, fine, put that in there. But until you know if I want to see you again, don’t you think you should wait before making the whole speech? While I greatly appreciate the honesty and being upfront with that, I’m not trying to marry you. I don’t even know if I want to see you again. Additionally, great – I’m not looking for those things either. But somehow I feel that we should see if there is any reason to see each other again before we start talking about what we’re not looking for.

It soon dawned on me that he was still a bit of a child, constantly looking for something new and shiny with which to amuse himself, and all too aware that there was a whole store out there with new merchandise with which to while away the time. I have no issue with that, except for this – if you’re not even willing to give me a chance to maybe be that cool chick, why I am going to waste time with you? If you’ve already decided up front that you aren’t going to pursue this, then you better believe that I am not going to waste my time.

In the end, I dodged the goodnight kiss and headed home. I’ve adopted the same approach to dating as I do to shopping – if I don’t instantly like it, I’m not going to spend time trying to convince myself that it might work for me.

Besides, like Tom Cruise, he was a little short for my tastes!

– Finch