In the middle of my Dan-induced happy phase, I had a date, which had already been scheduled, and which I definitely did not want to bail on. This guy is 6’4″, looks very similar to Tripp, and seemed to have the same sense of humor (are you already sensing where I’m going with this?)

We’re going to call him Dante, if, for no other reason, than he was as good as me at quoting every single Kevin Smith movie (well, the good ones, anyway). Dante showed up at the bar where we were meeting, and there was an instantaneous lack of sexual chemistry. Not that I was disgusted by this guy, not at all. But there was no desire whatsoever to kiss him or do anything more. I didn’t even care if I was attractive to him, which I think made for even more fun on both of our parts.

We started drinking – we’re both exploring the world of beer right now, so we had fun exchanging notes, trying each others’ choices, and discussing pros and cons of beer vs. liquor. I actually don’t remember how we got onto the subject, but at one point, he brought up Mallrats, and from that point, it was on.

I truly think we spent the next two hours speaking in almost nothing but movie quotes. We relayed how different movies had affected our lives (Chasing Amy very much formed a large part of high school for me), we discussed future Kevin Smith projects, and then… we branched out to Star Wars.

Now, from a conversational point of view, I was having one of the best dates of my life. There was not a single awkward pause, there was instant understanding on anything we said, there was definite respect on both of our parts for the other’s knowledge and intelligence. But still… no sexual chemistry.

R asked me back in September why I kept talking to Tripp after everything which had happened between us, and I responded that when we weren’t screwing everything up by bring sex or love into the equation, he was one of my dearest friends. Tripp has been there for me in some of the darkest times in my life, and he has been there without judgement. When I missed Tripp, I didn’t miss the time we had spent dating – that was ten + years ago, and I had been 20 then. I’ve grown in my desires and my expectations since then. What I missed was our friendship, the instant understanding, the perfect meeting of minds. And it seemed that I had found that in Dante.

We both had friends coming into town for the 4th, so we decided to meet up again the next week. Here’s the thing – I don’t know how to have the conversation that I want him to be my friend, and only my friend. I mean, we met on a dating website. If we had just met in person, then I think it would have been easier to segue into that. Either way, the next guy who goes on a first date with me has some very large shoes to fill!

– Finch

Quick Thought: Definition of Insanity

Doing the same thing over and over again, and expecting different results. Like calling Ex. Sure, the last couple of times that we talked we had some nice conversations. But the last three times I’ve called, he has not returned my calls, texted me to say “Hey, I’m busy right now. I’ll hit you up later,” or even emailed to tell me to F-off. So why do I keep calling? Loneliness, euphoric recall, utter insanity? I think any if those will work for me excuse.

Don’t do stupid things. It’s not just a clever name – they really are stupid.

– Finch

The problem with euphoric recall

I don’t know whether it is the moon cycle, or if some planet is in retrograde, or wtf is going on, but it seems that everyone in my life is suffering from euphoric recall right now, myself included. Friends have been questioning whether they really should have have broken up with ex-boyfriends, co-workers are waxing nostalgic about past loves, and I have been lost in daydreams about Tripp and Ex.

Let me first explain what euphoric recall is, for those who are blessed enough to not be burdened with its aphrodesiatic qualities (yes, I did just make that word up). Euphoric recall could also be called selective memory – it is the affliction by which you are only able to recall the good qualities of an ex, or the happy memories of a relationship. All of those negative things which drove the two of you apart in the first place are completely forgotten (for the moment) and you find yourself smiling throughout your day, just thinking about this person and how wonderful everything was. And if it was that wonderful once, then surely it can be again.

If you are caught in it’s clutches, please snap out of it! As a life long sufferer of euphoric recall, I know that no good ever comes of it. I have opened myself up to Tripp more times than I care to remember, all because I got caught up in the fantasy of what our relationship was like. This weekend, I found myself thinking fondly of Ex, and thinking that maybe everything wasn’t as bad as I had thought it was, maybe we could make it work. Never mind that I was completely miserable during our last year together – that was clearly all in my head. It was only when T started telling me about her daydreams of her ex over the weekend that I realized that it was spreading. R had been having some doubts over her break-up, and J had been having some wayward thoughts about her ex. All in all, it was an epidemic.

I’m all for “forgive and forget” but euphoric recall can be a dangerous phenomenon. People break up and move on for a reason. Yes, sometimes they do come back together, and they make it work on their second (or third) try. But more often than not, going back to an ex is the equivalent of “fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.” If we need help learning the same lesson over and over again, the Universe is usually more than happy to provide us with that opportunity. However, beating your head against a brick wall only hurts yourself.

I (at least temporarily) cured myself of my euphoric recall by remembering something – every time I have lost love, I have been heartbroken and in despair that I will never love again. And each time, sometimes years later, I have found a love that was even better for me, more true, more nurturing, than that which I left behind. So let us not dwell in the past, when there is surely something so much more wonderful in our futures.

And please, whatever cosmic thing is out there causing this to show up in everyone I know, you can stop now.

– Finch