They’re supposed to happen organically

I was celebrating my 4th in classic girl style (sunbathing) and texting with Dan when it finally came – the invite over to “hang out.” Now this would only be our second time seeing each other, and I was not about to jump into bed with him, but I am also not an idiot (or a nun). There was going to be some action. I ran home, showered the smell of pool off of me, and headed over.

Yes, he was still as cute (if not cuter) than I remembered. Yes, the heat and the chemistry were still very much there. He met me at the car, we kissed, we went inside, and there was an incredibly hot make-out session up against a wall, with my leg wrapped around his waist and all kinds of groping. When we finally came up for air, I gently pushed him back. “Yeah, we’re doing a great job of behaving ourselves.” He laughed, took my hand and led me to the couch, where we sat and talked for a little while. It was great – comfortable, easy, fun. Then, in a classic guy move, he began to tickle me, which turned into more making out, which turned into some serious heavy petting on his part, and made me an incredibly happy woman (twice)!

But then he lost points. It would have been impossible to not tell that he was excited, and I had already begun to think about how I would help him out in that department, when he said, “You know, I can’t stop thinking about you being on your knees.”
“Do you want to see if the expectation matches the reality?”

So, I went down, and he was a happy man, and that was all well and good. But for some reason, something kept bugging me the rest of the day. Let me qualify – it’s not as if I went down and then he kicked me out; nothing like that. I hung out for a further two hours, we watched Jeopardy (I won), we chatted, we cuddled… But there was an awkwardness in the air. It was not until a few hours later when hanging out with B that I was able to put my finger on it.

In the midst of retelling my story (yes, girls tell each other everything), it suddenly dawned on me. “You’re not supposed to ask someone for a blowjob! They’re supposed to happen organically!” B wholeheartedly agreed, and we continued to dissect the afternoon’s activities.

Let me say, I’m not saying that one can never ask for a sexual favor. However, I do feel that maybe you should be in a more established relationship before you get to that point, and maybe there is a better time and place for it than when and where Dan asked me. Because wouldn’t we have both been happier if it had happened organically? He wouldn’t have felt like it had to be requested, and I wouldn’t have felt like he was rushing me to do something which I was maybe not yet ready for. I also don’t think that sex should have negative emotions surrounding it – it should be be something which feels good and right, and once you start coloring it with guilt, regret and other negativity, it ceases to become quite as fun.

We’ve talked several times since then, and we’re meeting up in a couple of days, so we’ll see what happens. I actually have a date (today!) with someone else from OKC, so who knows how this will all end up. I won’t say that it’s been nothing but angels and hearts, but this is definitely a lot more fun than I’ve had in years!

– Finch

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