At least it wasn’t me

Back in January, I wrote about this really nice date I went on, with someone who totally got where I was at that moment (I think we’re always in the fitting room). This guy and I texted after our date, then a few days later I hit him up, asking if he wanted to get together for another happy hour. He was down with that, and so I asked where he would like to go. I never heard back from him. I wasn’t sure where I had gone wrong, whether asking where to meet up for a drink is too pushy or not, but I didn’t let it phase me. I had been pretty sure that this guy was not a great match for me, but might have been a good friend. I chalked it up to the game and moved on.

So, last week, Bunny and I were on our weekly walk, and she was telling me about one of her closest friends who had recently broken up with someone who she had been dating for over four years, and how hard it was for her. She said the guy’s name, and I literally laughed out loud. This guy has a VERY distinctive name, and when I paired it with his equally unique last name, Bunny stopped dead in her tracks. “How in the hell do you know _______?”

“We went on a date back in January. I know all about the trip to Rio, his job, his mom’s name, what she does for a living… I could write a book about everything he told me about himself.”

“I don’t think that he and ______ were officially broken up by then. She is going to be so pissed. And he’s not even your type!!”

“I KNOW!!!! But I was trying to date outside of my type, and he seemed very sweet.”

As we continued to discuss everything, my first thought was, of course, “that poor girl. I cannot believe that he stepped out on her when they’d been together for over four years. That is so horrid.”

My IMMEDIATE next thought was, “Oh thank God it wasn’t anything to do with me.” Because while not hearing back hadn’t phased me, it had given me a second’s doubt about myself – had he not called back because he wasn’t attracted to me? Or did he not think I was as awesome as I obviously am? No – he was a guy who was dating someone else, or had split up with that person within the past week, and was just trying to get out and have some fun. Which is all well and good, but I’m not the rebound girl – move along.

And it made me wonder about some of the other guys who I had dated and had not heard back from. What had actually been their situation? Were there some girlfriends waiting up at home, thinking their guys were out having a drink with some buddies? Had they just ended some long-term relationship that they hadn’t even begun to process? Were the trying to convince themselves that they should be out dating when they weren’t really ready?

The truth is, we don’t really know people as well as we think we do. We figure that since we can Google or Facebook someone, that we’re as close to them as their family, and in reality, any of the information can be faked, or tailored to suit whatever story that person wants to tell.

When I told this story to K, she laughed out loud when I told her what me second thought had been. “Girl, that would have been any woman’s response!!!” There is some truth in that!

– Finch

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