I cannot even begin to explain how done I am with asking stupid questions, both of myself and to friends. “Am I pretty?” “Do you think I’m funny?” “Will I ever meet someone again?” “Will I ever get married again?” “What if no one thinks I’m cute?”
I literally feel sick even admitting that I ask those questions, but it turns out that a lot of my friends have been asking themselves these same questions lately, so I feel the need to address them. Quickly, to answer –
Yes, yes, yes, yes – if you want to, and people do think you’re cute.
Here’s the thing – we, as a society, put so much emphasis on coupling up that we lose ourselves in the process. I’ll see certain family members, and the first thing they ask me is, “Are you seeing anyone?” Who cares? If I am, I’ll let you know (if I even want to bring it up), and if I’m not, do you really think that I need your pitying glances? How about asking me how I am? Ask me about school or work or anything besides my relationship status. Because, no matter what is going on in my dating life, if I am not happy with myself and how my life is going while I’m on my own, it’s not going to get magically better once I’m coupled up. In fact, I’ll probably pay even less attention to myself, and then my problems will become larger.
J said something so true yesterday. We were hanging out at Pints for Pups at Independence Brewery (great place) and I was complaining that nothing was adhering to the schedule which I desired. I was telling her that what I really wanted, right now, this moment, was for Tripp to call me up and tell me that he made a mistake, and he’s not getting married. Then I wanted Ex to call and say that he made a mistake and threw away the best thing in his life, me. Then I wanted a Joshua Jackson look-alike, with a good job, his life together, and a great attitude to tell me that I was totally the one, and that he would do anything in the world to make me the happiest girl ever.
After J laughed at me, she said that all of that was great, but it wasn’t really what I wanted. “Here’s the thing. You think that you want all of that, but you really don’t. If Tripp came back, you would love to think that you would tell him ‘thanks, but no thanks,’ but probably you would start something up with him again. If Ex came back, it would just bring up more anger over the way things ended and you would want to get back at him or something. And even if a JJ twin came up and was everything you dreamed of, where would he fit into your life right now? You’re studying your butt off, you’re spending more time than ever with friends and family, and you’re coming into the busiest season at work. So what would you give up to date him? Your running? Your time with B? School? I know you like to think that you’re ready, but you’re not. And that’s okay.”
It occurred to me later that my asking these stupid questions is almost like a shield. If I can find something “wrong” with me, than I have an excuse for not dating. If I’m not pretty enough, or funny enough, then that is the reason why I’m not coupled up. So maybe it’s time for me to acknowledge that there doesn’t have to be anything wrong with me to explain my singleness. In fact, maybe the fact that I am single right now, that I’m taking care of myself and making myself happy, is the most right thing I can do.