You’re dating Jekyll and Hyde

T and I were having lunch this week, and she was telling me about the men in her life for the past six months or so. Of course I’d been hearing about them in drips and drabs, but I was getting the whole story in one sitting this time. As she spoke, I quickly recognized a pattern – she would meet a guy, he would say sweet and romantic things to get her number/get a date, and after she had provided whatever said guy was after, he would become a different person.

Now, let’s just put this out here – no, she was not sleeping with these guys. T is the very definition of a lady, so much so that she won’t even call a guy when they’re first dating because “only fast girls call boys.” So this was not a case of a guy bailing once he got laid. No, this was much more subtle. For example: A recent guy had been wooing T for about six weeks, trying to get her number. She finally provided it, and the day that she passed it over he called her.

Him – “Hey, what’s up?”
Her – “Not much, how are you doing?”
“Fine. Did you text me earlier?”
“Oh, must’ve been one of the other girls. You sure?”
“Yeah, pretty sure, especially since I didn’t have your number until you just called me.”
“Oh, okay. Well I guess I’ll talk to you later.”

T relayed this story to me with complete shock – this guy had been stopping by her work, leaving her cute notes at her car, doing everything to get her number, and the very day he got it, he started acting like he didn’t care. Then, three days later, she hears from him again, when he texts her, asking for the spelling of her last name, and a picture, so he can add it to his contacts. Um, how about you ask her on a date first? And are you seriously dating/talking to/seeing so many girls with the same first name that you need to ensure that you are differentiating them by last name and picture in your phone so as to avoid any mix-ups?

This is the third time in the past few months that T has had this happen to her. And I’ve seen the men in action, both in the beginning and in the end, and I cannot fault her retelling of these stories – she’s not leaving anything out or adding anything in. So what’s the deal? Have women become so easy that once the initial chase is over, men just give up? I knew that was something that could happen with sleeping with a guy, but just giving him your number makes him grow cold now?

I know people can change in a relationship, but I think changing before the first date is a little too soon.

– Finch

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