I have this theory that people with the same name share the same personality characteristics. Every Nathan/Nathaniel I have ever met has been absolutely brilliant, but a stoner. Every Kristen (no matter how they spelled it) has been bubbly, flighty, and has settled constantly for less than they deserve. All of my Nicoles are the same, as are all of my Mikes. I don’t know what it is – but upon knowing someone’s name, I can usually tell you at least a basic sketch about their personality and/or attitude towards life.
It appears that Lukes will fall into this category. At first, I thought that they might be an anomaly. I had only met one other Luke before my greenbelt-date one, and that guy was back in high school. I didn’t think that any similarities between the two should count for very much. But when I went on a date with a different Luke about two weeks after the greenbelt guy, I realized that my theory had struck gold again.
I was fixed up with this Luke by a friend. She had shown me a picture, and I was instantly intrigued. The picture was of him standing on the pier in San Fransisco Bay, with the Golden Gate Bridge at his back. The wind was tousling his hair, he had on a Hanes white t-shirt and a leather jacket, and he was wearing Ray-Bans. Very Top Gun Tom Cruise. Not usually my type, but I’ve been trying to play against type since my type hadn’t been working out too well for me.
We met up at Gibson’s, this local bar that I had not visited before, but which seemed very fun. When I came up to the table, I was immediately struck by one thing – his hair was at least three inches tall. It was, in all truth, a pompadour. I didn’t realize that people really wore them outside of theme nights at clubs. But here was one such hairstyle, alive and in person, on my date. Okay, a little less Tom Cruise, a little more rockabilly.
We start talking. He was very sweet, funny, got my jokes (always a good thing), but… he was 36, and a bassist in a band. As in, that was all he did. He had no ambitions to be anything more than that, and he was just counting down the days until his band “hit it big.” Let me say one thing – I have nothing against musicians, despite the fact that I divorced one. I have lived in Austin my whole life, I have been surrounded by people in the music business forever, and I don’t think that you can necessarily lump them all into the same group. Being a musician, an artist, is a wonderful thing, and I would never knock someone for their craft, especially if they took it seriously and worked it just like a 9-5 job.
As the night wore on, here was my issue. That at 36, he was still very much in the “I’m just looking to have a good time, I’m not trying to be tied down, I’m not looking for commitment.” Forgive me if I’m a bit lost, but is this something which is supposed to be said on a first date? If you’re posting on ad on some site, and you want people to know that you’re just looking to get laid, fine, put that in there. But until you know if I want to see you again, don’t you think you should wait before making the whole speech? While I greatly appreciate the honesty and being upfront with that, I’m not trying to marry you. I don’t even know if I want to see you again. Additionally, great – I’m not looking for those things either. But somehow I feel that we should see if there is any reason to see each other again before we start talking about what we’re not looking for.
It soon dawned on me that he was still a bit of a child, constantly looking for something new and shiny with which to amuse himself, and all too aware that there was a whole store out there with new merchandise with which to while away the time. I have no issue with that, except for this – if you’re not even willing to give me a chance to maybe be that cool chick, why I am going to waste time with you? If you’ve already decided up front that you aren’t going to pursue this, then you better believe that I am not going to waste my time.
In the end, I dodged the goodnight kiss and headed home. I’ve adopted the same approach to dating as I do to shopping – if I don’t instantly like it, I’m not going to spend time trying to convince myself that it might work for me.
Besides, like Tom Cruise, he was a little short for my tastes!