Your hair may not define you, but it is part of the dialogue

My FBB (fake big brother) recently commented that he liked my hair better when it was a darker red – it’s more of a strawberry blonde now. This threw me into a complete tailspin, where I felt the need to ask every single person I knew what they thought of my hair, whether they liked it better dark, and whether they thought my hair matched my personality.

Seriously.

When I got home, I brushed my hair out and looked at it. It had been a pretty dark red/mahogany for around 18 years. There was some change in that time, but no one could say in that time that it was not some form of red, and it never went lighter than an auburn. I had explained to my FBB that after the nearly two decades of redness, my divorce, and my lack of dating success, I felt that the blonding was a good way to break away from who I was, and become the new and improved me. He understood that to a point, but he felt that I was trying to be someone that I was not.

No duh!!!! The person that I was was not someone who I wanted to be anymore. I have some pretty great characteristics, but I also have some not so great ones, including my penchant for obsessing constantly about EVERYTHING in my life. Guys, do not feel that all of my attention is based on you, oh no; I will similarly obsess over my job, my friendships, my health, my general disposition. And I would like very much for this to stop. I don’t like that I go to everyone for their advice and their insight – I would much rather rely on myself for wisdom and strength.

I like my newly lightened locks. I feel that they soften my features, make less of a contrast with my constantly pale skin, and are just more interesting than my one shade red. It is indeed a much different look than I have sported in the past, but 1) it’s just hair; and 2) change is a good thing. Sometimes you need to change yourself on the outside to recognize the changes that are happening on the inside.

People are always telling me to lighten up. I doubt that this is what they meant, but I’m going with it.

– Finch

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