Even thinking about this story makes me laugh out loud! M and I went down to Cedar Door to begin my birthday celebrations. The plan was to watch the UT/WVU game with R, have some drinks, then head over to Speakeasy for the rest of the night and meet up with T. The night did not go as planned.
When M and I arrived at Cedar Door, about 10 minutes before game time, the bar was pretty empty. Since it was a home game, I rather expected that, but still. M and I sat at the end of the bar, and there was one guy about two seats down from M, who seemed to have been there all day by the way he was slurring. As soon as we ordered our drinks, he started his barrage. “Don’t be trying to flirt with me. I’ve already had a really tough day. Actually a tough month. You know, to be honest, it’s been a tough year.” “Well maybe your life would be easier if you stopped telling pretty women not to flirt with you. Besides, you only have our attention for the next ten minutes, and then you cease to exist in my world.” I knew I should have kept quiet, but I was feeling punchy. I asked the bartender to turn the channel over to the UT game, and little guy pipes up, “Ugh, I hate UT! USC is the only team for me.” Immediately – “Shut the fuck up! Now you cease to exist in my world immediately. You can’t spell ‘suck’ without USC.” The whole time, M is just laughing her ass off.
At this point, little guy, having asked for a drink all of 30 seconds before, gripes “Austin bartenders are SO slow!” Unfortunately, the bartender had just come back with his drink, and responded, “Excuse me? I am not slow. But you are done. You’re out of here.” M and I are completely giggling, but it got better when she brings his tab, and he had, literally two beers and one cocktail on there. Really? You’re that belligerent after three drinks? So he melodramatically pays and flounces out the door. Or so we thought.
“So, who’s your favorite baseball team?” He had completely snuck up on me from the complete opposite side of the bar about 15 minutes after he left. I have no idea where he was hiding, but I must’ve jumped three feet in the air. “What’s the problem, you’re so jumpy!” “I don’t like baseball. And I don’t like people sneaking up on me. So, bye!” Again, M is just rolling around, laughing at me. The bartender saw little guy and just pointed at the door, so that was the end of that saga.
I wish I could tell you all about the rest of the night, but I have been informed that I was put to bed around 8:30. Apparently, three bloody marys and many fireball shots on an empty stomach is not a smart move! Don’t worry, I paid dearly for it the next day!